Reasons Utah Sucks! (if you’re thinking of moving here)

Utah is having a HUGE influx of move-ins and if you're considering moving in... let me tell you why you DO NOT want to move to Utah!

1. EVERYONE is required to donate 10% of their income to the Mormon church.

When you cross the border into Utah, you fill out paperwork and sign that 10% of your income will be donated to the Mormon church. That's why our roads are so nice.

2. If you are a man, you will be set up on blind dates to find your NEXT wife.

Obviously, here in Utah, we do the multiple wives thing (better chance of getting to heaven). You have the choice of 'Picnic Date', 'Scripture Reading At The Temple Date', and 'Scripture Scavenger Hunt Date'.

3. Abstinence Control.

Man or woman, you will be REQUIRED to wear a chastity belt. The mayor of your city holds your key, and it is given to you the night of your wedding with a HUGE Key-Giving Ceremony.

4. Casserole Clinic:

You're required by law to take your Casserole Clinic classes at the local Recreation Center within 30 days of moving into the state. You'll learn how to make Green Bean Casserole, a delightful Chicken Broccoli Bake, and WORLD FAMOUS Funeral Potatoes.

5. Utah VERY SIMPLE Beverage Laws:

Crystal-clear right?

So, if you're thinking of moving to Southern Utah... Think twice! Things aren't always what they seem!