Things In Southern Utah You Should Be Locked Up For Doing!
Here is my list of things that are TOTALLY LEGAL to do... But DRIVE ME CRAZY! If I had it my way, you'd be locked up for doing THESE THINGS in Southern Utah!
Creating A "Utah Road Block":
A Utah Road Block is when you're driving, and there's at least 2 lanes, but everyone is driving THE SAME SPEED and nobody can pass. It's usually EXACTLY at the speed limit or below the speed limit. I'm yelling in my car and punching air every time this happens.
Going to a fast food restaurant, and having to "Pull ahead and we'll bring the food to you":
What?! No! That's not how Fast Food works! Every time I'm at Culver's I have to pull up... EVEN IF NOBODY IS BEHIND ME!
Taking a full naked shower at The City Pool:
It never fails. I'm at the City Pool, and some EXTREMELY CONFIDENT old guy is taking a full naked shower out in the open. LOCK HIM UP! Keep your swimsuit on, man!
Parking your lifted truck in two spots outside of Bloomington Walmart:
Look... I don't care if you park WAY IN THE BACK in two spots, but this happens in the PRIME spots up front! We get it. Your truck is big and your... foot is small. Just park in the back. That drives me bananas.
Merging onto I-15 at 45 miles per hour:
I will switch lanes. I will FLY past you. You're going to cause an accident.
Not being BALLSY ENOUGH in the roundabout:
Have you ever been behind someone trying to get IN to the roundabout and they REFUSE to go when they have the opportunity?! OHHH IT MAKES ME CRAZY! We got places to go, people to see! We'll be here ALL DAY if you don't make something happen, lady!
Southern Utah's MOST ANNOYING Kids
Get ready! Summer is OFFICIALLY HERE this upcoming Wednesday! Which means a few things:
- Snow Cones
- Road Trips
And that last one... Swimming. That's where you're going to run into Southern Utah's Most Annoying Kids. Here's who they are!
Cannonball In The Jacuzzi Kid:
You're relaxing in the Jacuzzi... and suddenly here comes little Tanner dives RIGHT into the Jacuzzi right next to you. Mom is somewhere on a pool chair taking selfies.
Splash Me In The Face Kid:
Either they're purposely trying to splash your face, or those flippers they're wearing keep drenching you. Each time you're like "I need my own pool."
Count How Long I Can Hold My Breath Kid:
This kid is usually one you've never seen before, but they're shockingly confident in talking to a stranger. "TIME ME! I'M GOING TO HOLD MY BREATH!" Ugh! Now I have a job?! Alright kid... go!
Ball At The Pool Kid:
This one is actually NOT BAD... until you get hit in the head with the ball and everyone at the pool laughs. Or possibly, even worse, the ball keeps landing about 3 inches from your face and splashes you/scares you every time!
Snot Hanging Out Of Nose Kid:
Why is this kid always popping up inches from my face? Goggles on, Snot hanging, wanting to talk to me from extremely close distance.
Where Are Your Parents? Kid:
This kid won't leave me alone, they're working on a 30-minute conversation with me. At this point I'm looking around wondering where your parents even are!
Kick Me In The Groin In The Water Kid:
Let's play a game... How many times will I get kicked in the groin today?! You've heard of Close Talkers? Someone who talks to close to your face. How about Close Swimmers?
Screaming For No Reason Kid:
Yo... Can someone get their kid. I just wanna swim and get some sun, and now I've gotta take some Advil to get rid of the headache from Kyle screaming at the pool all day.
Obsessed With The Diving Sticks Kid:
This kid minds his own business, but is constantly diving in and out of the water for those diving sticks or diving rings. Training for the Stick Diving World Championships, apparently!