YIKES: Things That Offend You If You’re A Southern Utahn
1. Being told a certain Drive-In on St. George Blvd is "GREAT" but "Expensive":
Where were ya'll when they closed down?! This business has an ARMY of people coming after me for saying their food is expensive. Apparently, I need a higher paying job and "go to yelp, if I NEED to write a review" wtf.
2. The words "GREATER ZION":
Don't you DARE say those words. "Greater Zion" is like the guy your girl told you not to worry about, then you break up and she's doing the Walk-Of-Shame out of his house at 7am. We HATE those words!
3. Change. Any change. AT ALL:
Don't change the flag! Stop building homes! Stop bringing in new restaurants! Stop making this place better! We want to pretend it's 1970 forever!
4. A California License plate:
If your car has a California plate, just HIDE! They're coming after you. You'll catch a middle finger. You'll get cut off in traffic. Did you commit murder? No... You just have a California License plate!
5. Anything with the words "Drag" and "Show" in the title:
Don't EVER pair those words up. Don't even JOKE about those words together. Those words don't belong here! Send those words back to where they came from!
6. Saying Crumbl's cookies are good:
Don't you dare tell someone Crumbl has a good cookie! You must eat it in secret in an alley, like you're cheating on your wife! Don't you dare go admitting that it actually tastes good!
7. Saying Cumbl's cookies are NOT good:
Don't you dare tell someone Crumbl sucks! This is a local Utah company! You are not allowed to have an opinion on Crumbl! They have millions of followers online! Just shut up about Crumbl. Don't even THINK of saying anything.
8. Pronouncing Zion "Zy-On":
Hey pal... It's ZY-IN like LION. You're clearly not from here, and now you need to leave! We can't have you out here saying ZY-ON. What're you... A CALIFORNIAN?!
9. Protesting ANYTHING Publicly:
Wait! You're angry about something?! Well I'm angry that you're angry about it! Protesting at Planned Parenthood? Protesting BLM on Main Street? Here come the guys with GIANT LIFTED TRUCKS to save the day!
10. Posting a photo of a celebrity you met in town:
"LEAVE THEM ALONE! THEY'RE JUST A NORMAL PERSON!" It would be AWESOME to meet your favorite celebrity at Cafe Rio here in town, but if you post that photo... Get ready for all the "LET THEM BE! THEY DON'T DESERVE THIS" comments. GUYS... RELAX!
Utah: TRUE FACTS That Sound Fake!
It's no surprise, Utah is America's favorite state! Here are some FACTS about The Beehive State that sound 100% made up!
Utah has the YOUNGEST population in the nation!
It's true! When you think Utah, you may think OLD TIMERS, RETIRED PEOPLE, GRANDPARENTS! But approximately 30% of Utah is under 18 years old! Utah's average age of the population is 31.5 years old! The next closest is Texas at 35.2. Maine comes in at the oldest in the country with an average age of 45!
Utah is home to the OLDEST theme park in the USA!
Lagoon, baby! Lagoon opened it's doors in 1886! Shoot-the-Chutes was the first ride, a boat ride going down a ramp, splashing into the water! Literally 137 years old! Grover Cleveland was the Pres!
Gayest City in America?
That's right! Salt Lake City was named America's GAYEST city in 2012 by Advocate.com. Salt Lake already has a HUGE Pride Parade every June, but they also had International Mr. Leather semifinalist, nude yoga classes, an LGBT bookstore, and Sundance Festival.
The first KFC was in Utah!
The Colonel lived in Utah? That's right! The first KFC is located at 3890 S. State Street, in Salt Lake City. The name 'Kentucky Fried Chicken' actually came from the painter that was creating a sign for 'Harman's Cafe', and the name KFC stuck!
The WORST AIR in the WHOLE WORLD?
MOST of Utah has very clean, pretty air but NOT Salt Lake City. On August 6, 2021, Salt Lake City had THE WORST AIR QUALITY in the entire WORLD! That inversion will GETCHA!